Monday, August 27, 2007


In the last few years I’ve realized that there are few, if any places in the world a male is capable of going for peace, solitude, or just to get the fuck away from his current nemesis, the female. However, I can say without any doubt that I rarely fee compelled to seek solace from the company of my better half; I enjoy her company that much!

The point is really, were can a guy go? Middle of the forest or ocean? As far from a place to plug in a curling iron as possible?

Today guys have to be on their best behaviour any place that the princesses may dwell.
Watching our language, body odors, aggressive behaviour (having fun) and general conversation within earshot of the ever vigilant eavesdropping princesses. When did tucking the stuff become habitual? When did these creatures become our barometers of behaviour?

For some thirty years now, I’ve spent 5 days a week in some kind of fitness center; this also includes fight clubs, boxing, wrestling and submission fighting. The fight club in particular, has almost always been made up of entirely male members ~ pardon the pun. That’s all changed in the last few years. I think women involved in mixed martial arts is quite noble; great fitness equals great bodies, and I’m not talking about tybo shit. A few years ago women started attending my classes. It wasn’t enough they had as many women only classes as they could attend, they couldn’t help themselves ~ they simply had to be allowed into the men’s advanced class as well. At first I never paid much attention to their presence, but like any flu when it starts, you’re aware you’re getting sick but not sure of the eventual severity. My treatment? Antibiotics, in the form of a few rules, hoping this would stave off this virus. How do you avoid contracting a virus? No contact; this was the rule.

Why the rule? Laying on top of a woman is only appropriate under a certain circumstance. Other then the fact I’m almost 10 years older then the next guy in my classes, I’m often referred to as old school. Why? My feeling is that if I’m laying on top of a women, which is what happens in MMA, the last thing going through my mind is dropping elbows through their cheek bones or choking them till they drop a number two in a perfectly good pair of panties.

On that note:
One day I’m sitting in the change room of my fight club, with nothing on at this point but my cup, deep in frivolous conversation with a few of the fellas. As I embarked on one of my famous stories, the word fuck dripped down my tongue and out of my mouth like hot melted butter poured over popcorn. Because there’s no door to the change room, some ten feet from the entrance is marked ‘no standing’, for obvious reasons. Unbeknownst to me, a real nasty virus lingered right outside the door; Latin name Strippedof-Needacock. Of course this virus could only give into its instinct… fucking eavesdropping on my hot story, while standing inside the ‘no standing’ area. I’m in the middle of a weapons check - adjusting my cup. As I look up, I’m suddenly face to face with the super bug. I’m not really sure what it said, but something about saving the children from the filth that is male and my language…dizzying me with its speak. I recognized this virus and its deadly nature. It alone was responsible for the emasculation of millions of men around the world.

My reaction? At first I was stunned and then clarity arrived. I responded. Calmly and ever so slowly, I removed my support…of course never making eye contact. I stood erect yet flaccid; oh the duality. I said nothing. Immediately it stopped speaking, certainly for the first time in its life, abruptly turned and slithered away. Praise Jesus, I never got sick .

So today we have co-ed fitness clubs that include a women’s only section. With both parts of the club accessible to women. We have women’s only fight clubs with co-ed classes. We had men’s clubs - a place to go have a drink, read the paper or do a little business; not a strip bar, but real gentleman stuff. Well, not anymore. Women have petitioned these private establishments, some established over a hundred years ago. How’d they do it? They played the discrimination card. That’s right, just like that. Women have this down to an art, drag them through court potentially bankrupting the club and capitulation ensues. Welcome to the club ladies!!

What the fuck makes a women need to play with the men? All things money for $200 Bob. You’ll recognize the motivation, as they stand before the courts with the all-powerful discrimination card in hand. You know the rest; welcome ladies to the PGA!!! Sadly as in many sports, watching the ladies is about as exciting as shitting your pants.

Hey, here’s a fucking brain fart. Maybe one of the guys on the men’s tour ranked somewhere in the lower huns, runs off and flashes the same card as the ladies. The next question when watching the LPGA; did Monica come second again?

Recently, a guy in Vancouver wanted to join Curves; a women’s only fitness club. I thought this was awesome. Did this dude really want to join Curves? Fuck no! He just wanted to play the game. Turns out games-rigged society says NONONONO- NO, buddy was denied membership. The funniest part of the story is the reason buddy was denied membership. In a TV interview, many of the women members were asked why they were so against buddy joining their gym? The answers that spewed forth came complete with tears and revelations that they had children (again whatever the fuck does that have to do with anything????). Apparently all males immediately upon entering a gym can’t help themselves. They stare, they sexually harass; worst of all they flex at them. These beauties suggested they could see what we were thinking; thoughts of gang rape run through our minds. As you can see, they have good reason to be concerned. Curves takes all these very real concerns away, providing safe, clean pest-free environments for women who are beautiful on the inside ONLY! That’s right, because not a single one of these potential victims was beautiful on the outside…yip ugly clean to the bone.
The fact is women who are beautiful train at co-ed gyms. That’s right, they can’t wait to strut through the gym wearing the most inappropriate gear imaginable. God bless them, but if I can tell that a princess has a two-day shadow on her camel toe then my staring self inflicted!

When did it become ok for women to use the guy’s bathroom/ change room? Too many times I’ve been in the can at a club/bar whatever, having a piss minding my own business when in staggers some drunken mess sans penis, looking at me like what the fuck are you looking at?? If I decided to waltz into the women’s can ‘cause I was born without patience, I’d be front page news for being a perving piss fetish fiend. Hey guys, can you imagine shoving your way through a line of waiting bladders, kicking open a stall door, squatting down and beaching a mean shit, all the while staring the ladies down with the what the fuck is your problem look?? Only in heaven, only in heaven,

Woman sports reporter can’t get scoop after big game(football) as fast as male counterpart, because of interviews in the locker room. You know were this is going; sure enough, the discrimination card is played. Now women reporters have the right to enter a male only locker room because they want to. Well, as you might have suspected, these fucking asshole guy’s were dressed inappropriately; that’s right, naked or almost, in a MEN’S locker room, can you imagine?? This frightened the woman reporter almost to death. This heinous act was so horrible charges were laid and legal action taken. The teams and its players settled out of court. The good news is these reports were compensated the settlements guaranteed. They would never have to work again, or any other family members for generations to come. See the world is fair ‘cause god is just and all knowing. Gentlemen, it’s still safe to keep your head in your ass.

The preceding are mere observations. Women have gone too far and men have indulged them. Men are as much to blame as women for the current state of affairs .One can only hope that women will realize what they have become and men stop continuing to contribute and indulge. Once upon a time, men and women were equal, Christ was still a cowboy, queer was a look you gave, what the fuck happened? I can tell you this. For too long the extreme swings of the pendulum have been the norm. This generation of women in my opinion enjoys the direction it’s swung. Women have a chance to really make a difference, maybe work towards reducing the severity of eventual swing back, create continuity and be the greater sex for that reason alone. Embrace the man, accept him for what he is; if not you may find yourself standing in the kitchen full-time once again.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

The Rules and When Did It Become OK???? The Birth of the Vaginized Male

Well were to start?
I spent considerable time pondering this thought since the subject material is so vast and diverse. So I’ll start with my first experience or awareness to the subject at hand.

For now I’m going to weigh in on the issue of violence against women at the hands of men. First I would say that there are few exceptions to the rules about men laying their hands on a woman in a violent act, but there are some. Disclaimer, disclosure, of course someone who reads this will immediately conclude that somehow I’m suggesting I’m ok with beating the shit out of women…I’m not, and no! When is it ok? The first; self -defense. The second would be self-defense and so on.

The Lesson:
As a little boys our fathers, if we have one, have the duty to teach us the rules about putting our hands on girls. Here’s what my father said to me. ‘If you ever puts your hands on a girl for any reason unless she asks you to ~ especially to hit her ~ I will beat the shit out of you, do you understand?’ Oh I understood alright my father was 6 ‘4 and 270lbs. As a young boy I knew when my father spoke like this he meant it.

The Test:
So I was tested by the rule one day again in school grade 4. A grade six girl’s mother in her genius, shared some wisdom as to what happens to boys with a single well placed kick. This discloser of course came with no disclaimer. Sure enough, a pack of these little miracles found me on the playground, and I found myself cheek first into the concrete, vomiting out of control not sure what had just happened to me. Later that evening I quarried my father about “The Rule” and to the days’ recent migration of my testicles to my chin. I was glad to discover that a codicil to “The Rule” existed. It read kinda like this; if you did nothing to deserve it then haul off and knock her block off.

Application of the codicil:
The miracles returned. Armed with the codicil I forewarned the little miracles as they approached, they informed me of “the rule”, under which they expected to be protected. Marry the miracle got K.O’d on her second attempt. Of course the principle was informed of my dastardly deed, and no questions asked they punished me. Then, it was the strap.

The meeting between the principle, miracle, her family and my parents, man was interesting to say the least. Fortunately a dozen little boys with relocated testicles and fuming fathers were also at hand. The father of the little miracle seemed to have missed the handout at man school about the codicil, ‘cause he wanted to kill me and threatened to do so in the meeting. My father sorted him out on the memo he missed.

In this last generation of broken families the principals have passed on the parenting duties and responsibilities to society. `Everyone else is to blame, fathers are MIA and mothers are vaginizing the little boys of today. Our roles have been blurred and lines are being crossed. In the case of this blog we will focus on women and there negative contribution to this blight.
Lessons that were passed done to little boys that transcend throughout their lives, have been obliterated by single moms and societies contribution to the vaginized male. When I was a kid, a girl fight was something I witnessed once in 12 years of school. Today these little princesses are responsible for the majority of teen violence as recent statistics and news reports would suggest. The term swarming as now applied to the latest craze, is teams of little princesses swarming a single girl or boy and beating the shit out of them. What happened to the rules? The most famous swarming of the princesses in my home town resulted in the killing of Rena Virk, published on a global scale. The problem is these little beauties are aware of a distorted rule, one that leads little girls to believe that they can hit boy’s/men/anyone with no consequence. Sadly society has back up this sentiment with the arrest and conviction of men and boys, invoking the codicil .

The rule for little boys and their aggressive nature are curtailed from day one, always in check. Little princesses get what training? And what are the consequences for their actions, boy’s got to detention men go to jail. Unless these little beauties go as far as to kill someone they walk around largely unchecked. Every time I turn on the TV, I see some women hauling off and slapping or kicking some dick in the face for something he said; when did this become ok? Sounds to me like we need a shelter and a battered mens group? How about no, invoke the codicil.

The Logic:
If I’m walking down the road and see a pit bull in its’ fenced yard, it’s barking at me and I go up to it antagonize it further then kick it in the nuts. I’m stunned and surprised when it rips my fucking leg off, but society has me covered. I sue the owner and have the dog put down, it all makes sense.

How do we deal with this problem?